A lot of people told me that based on the number of my children I could easily give parenting advice. Maybe, but I don’t.
But what’s the reason for this categorical denial?
The exact reason is the because of which I should: I have five children and the more I dive into the depths of parenting, the more I realize how many things I don’t know and let’s be honest, new surprises show up on every corner… yes, still and I don’t think this will ever change. I got a lot of private letters asking me why I wouldn’t write top10, top5, top Godknowshowmany articles giving parenting advice and handy hints to other mothers who have just started this seemingly forever-lasting process which we call parenting. In connection to one of my older posts in which I wrote about my quite strict principles becoming much more flexible with the growth of the number of my children.
Why deny it? These letters made me a bit proud, that others think of me as competent enough to tell them what’s up.
(I really quietly add that I’m not… I mean competent, see: below.)
But unfortunately – or maybe for the joy of some – these letters could not persuade me that from now on I should give advice: with the life experience from the five children I have, I know that there’s no such thing as a general and universal advice which will work for everybody in every situation. By the time I arrived here I went through a lot of things… For example, a lot of handy hints and advices which weren’t asked for.
The other reason of my silence is that I’m a constantly-learning mother whose children can show her new things every day… and I, as a diligent student try to catch up with the events… sometimes I can and other times I can’t.
Through all these years I also came to the realization that every motherhood is unique and unrepeatable. This is not a profession, where if you learn the tricks, you’ll almost have nothing to do with the following products, because the routine and experience you have will help you get through everything. Only a little part of my motherhood is a routine, the rest is simply improvisation. Of course I need to be skillful to stay above the water, but this doesn’t solve anything, just gives me something to hold on to. And sometimes it’s exactly this experience is that makes me realize that I need to step on a new road, maybe even use techniques I haven’t ever used, which are against my principles, with my child who has a problem at the moment.
According to Husband, I’m a bit like a chameleon. I observe and adapt to my environment. I think he might be right… the main thing in motherhood is upgrading your flexibility and ability to adapt.
Whoever says whatever, motherhood is a lonely journey where you’re never really alone (your parents and your husband/partner always has your back… or maybe not, but that’s a really different situation and I can only write about what I’ve gone through), everybody has to explore for themselves what they expect from themselves and what they can do. Measuring up the expectations of the outside world is such and extra weigh, which I didn’t need… so now I don’t even desire it. but I needed to experience all of this for myself and learn what to do with advices when I get them, how to react to them.
Even though there are such requests, I will not write an e-book full of fantastic parenting advice – I’m happy to share my experience with those who are interested, but I do not take responsibility for them, because these are only valid and were concluded from one unique situation. – because I’m only one of the many moms who – for some reason unknown to me to this day – got blessed with five children. Neither more, nor less and this is exactly perfect for me. Making a very big family does not give you any privileges, especially not ones with prerogatives (I’ll tell you all what’s up, everybody should listen to me!). It’s a status, I was put into, because somebody thought I’d be able to handle it… From here I send word to the main-organizer/director, that – with or without advices – with bigger and smaller bumps, but I’m on it!